The Buried Life

Went to BLIP FESTIVAL last night. I recognized the bartender. She usually works at some corner bar in south slope but I forgot what we were talking about. She bought me a beer and that’s all I remember from her.

The show was incredible. The crowd was unbelievable. I somehow made my way to the front of the crowd and forgot just how brutal being front and center could be. I was crushed and shoved and almost trampled on. I woke up today and my entire body was in pain. Nothing a few Excedrin can’t cure.

And of course the one guy I meet in a drunken haze turns out to be blah!

Summer, here we go.

let’s pretend like it never happened

and lay with me in this bed of rot

a sunken mass of abandoned responsibilities,

it doesn’t really matter if two are to blame

less pressure

on your skull and its imaginations

let’s pretend like we didn’t take advantage 

of each other and bury the evidence

of all of our selfish sins along with the bodies

of those we loved, but killed along the way

less guilt

on our hearts and across our smiles.

let’s pretend like our stars were aligned

and our paths were destined to cross

in this vast city with thoughts of destiny in mind

how easily we succumbed to the idea of love

less obvious

with all of its rotten undertones.

our souls bathed in bile

deteriorating together with every wave.

I believe that if someone is really missing you then their spirit will visit you in your dreams.

Only in dreams can you tell who is keeping you in their head, locked in a safe, waiting to see you face to face to tell you how much you mean to them, even if they say it with the blink of an eye. 

Went to meet up with family for an important gathering when all of the lights in the street turned off. The electricity was turned off and we were suddenly surrounded by darkness. That’s when the gunshots began to go off. First there were a few random shots being fired and then all out war broke loose. There were men firing into one of the businesses around the corner and shouting at each other to “shoot to kill”. I went back home with my father and I collapsed before we reached our door. I was having a panic attack. A man with several binders and clipboards in his hands walks by and tells us to go back home and lock ourselves in. I tell him that I’m scared and that something terrible is happening and he mentions that the men who are firing into the buildings next door are not the army but the FBI and that we are being attacked by Extra-terrestrials. I fumbled with the keys as I tried to open the lock to our front door and went up to our apartment while my Dad went back to warn the rest. 

in the corner I lie awake 

forever waiting for you

forever longing for you.

your flesh, your scent -

I crave with every mutated cell of mine.

I hunger for your heart

I thirst for your blood

feed me.

The problem before was that I relied heavily on others to make me happy. I couldn’t fathom the possibility that all my happiness and appreciation for life was attainable through my own self. I suppose I didn’t perceive myself as someone who was significant enough to hold such power but as time progresses without me having a hand to hold on to, I feel much more in control over the power of contentment.

I no longer have a need for someone else’s desire. I’ll take what I can get for now and so far it’s been mighty good.

On a tangent, I want a studded denim jacket so badly it hurts my skinny-jean pressed groin. 

Sometimes I rather throw myself down a flight of stairs just to get a reaction out of me.

Today is one of those days. I’ll try to avoid any flights for the rest of the day. 

-_-

Coincidentally I offered to cook dinner for him so I decided to incorporate the theme of the Mexican holiday and made Tortas de Milanesa, which turned out BOMB.

My mother would have approved of my delicious Mexican sandwich layered with fried mashed beans, sour cream, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and breaded slices of steak with some green chiles in vinegar as a topping. FUCKING YUM.

We ate and then we ate each other. Best cinco de Mayo so far.